I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize