Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free