I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me