Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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