I wannas sexs uuuuu
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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