I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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