im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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