i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How external is "for external use only"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize