there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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