the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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