I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Buhtt sex?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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