wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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