He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
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LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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