why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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