So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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