is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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