Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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