i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
