i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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