After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
