I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
