I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
