He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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