lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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