Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
NoShamevember. You game?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
