and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
