Screwed.edu
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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