A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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