if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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