Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
