I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I party with great urgency now.
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