I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
