im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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