He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize