Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
