Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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