What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
