my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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