just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
