3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
