I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
