I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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