And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it was like eating out sand paper
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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