There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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