So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
