Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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