I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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