he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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