Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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