My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
