i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize